Searching for Allah in Toronto

By Khalid Rabbani

Scarborough, Ontario

When I was around seven years old, I began pondering profound questions like, "Where did I come from? Where was I before I was conscious? Where am I going after this life?" Deep questions for a 7 year old, I know. These thoughts led me to understand that one day my parents would leave, and eventually, so would I. By the time I was 10-11 years old, I experienced involuntary astral projection, where I would feel myself float up to the ceiling and come back down. These experiences heightened my awareness of my spiritual self. Maybe it was a dream, maybe it wasn’t. It felt real and the outcomes regarding my spirituality were very real.

I developed an interest in learning about various spiritual traditions, from Hinduism to Mayan prophecies, despite being raised Catholic in an urban street lifestyle. My journey into esoteric teachings and symbolism began when my older brother gave me VHS conspiracy tapes featuring Anthony Hilder and Jordan Maxwell, which piqued my interest in Freemasonry and the Illuminati.

These videos breaking down religious symbolism proved useful later. Comparing the Old and New Testament of the Bible, I noticed contradictions in the core beliefs and teachings when interpreted literally. This led me back to the Ten Commandments, the foundation upon which the Bible is built. The first commandment, "Thou shall worship no gods except God," directed me towards pure monotheism. Despite the contradictions in the Bible's outward story, I felt a connection to my Catholic beliefs about Jesus as the Messiah, leading me towards Messianic Jewish beliefs, where I accepted both the Torah and Jesus.

Around this time, some local drug dealers and gangsters I looked up to converted to Islam, prompting debates about beliefs. I found it difficult to argue against monotheism. Eventually, at age 15-16, I said the Shahada (Muslim testimony of faith) and began learning and practicing Islam. Initially, I learned the outward religious laws and duties, which were fulfilling on their own. As the initial conversion high waned, I started to see my Ruh (soul/higher self) and my Nafs (spirit/lower self) more clearly.

After indulging in a worldly life, I felt out of place and returned to my spiritual studies. Revisiting Hebrew Kabbalah and Hermeticism, I found similarities with Sufism and Islamic traditions, reflecting on the quote, "A messenger was sent to each nation." Noticing the similarities in religious language and spiritual symbolism between Hebrew and Muslim traditions inspired me to connect different world traditions to gain understanding rather than debate who is right or wrong.

The more I learned, the more I realized how much I didn't know. Monotheism, simply put, is the belief that God is One, but different groups have varying interpretations. For instance, in the Quran's Surah Ikhlas, it says:

1. Say, "He is Allah, [who is] One,

2. Allah, the Eternal Refuge.

3. He neither begets nor is born,

4. Nor is there to Him any equivalent."

These simple words have profound meanings, emphasizing divine transcendence. The Creator is perfect and needs nothing, including the need to change. Being eternal, with no beginning or end, it's not befitting of divine perfection to be compared to anything. These teachings reminded me of the second commandment, "Thou shall not make any image of thy creator."

Understanding what the Creator is not helps us seek a connection to the divine through spiritual experiences. Daily rituals such as prayers, remembrance, and meditation (Muraqabah/Merkava) help in this connection. According to Sufis and Kabbalists, invoking God's names and revelation in their original language taps into a mystical energy. Everything, including thoughts, has a vibration. To interact in a higher vibrational plane, it must be accessed through the soul, which is incorporeal.

By following traditions like Salah (prayer), Khushu (focus on God), Wudhu (ritual ablution), Dhikr (remembrance of God), and Muraqabah (meditation), along with adhering to the Halal (permissible) and Haram (not permissible) as stated in the Quran, one can connect to higher realms. The Prophet Muhammad received his first revelation while isolated in a cave meditating.

When clean in physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, the electromagnetic energy emitted attracts divine inspiration (Ruach Ha-Kodesh/Holy Spirit) and repels low vibrating negative energy. It's not about supernatural occurrences but feeling inspired and having visions during or after meditations. The feeling of Noor (light) fills you up, and contentment replaces anxiety, as we are both physical and spiritual beings needing attention.

I hope this provides a general idea of what to expect from my work and helps you begin the journey to find Allah with me.

More to come soon.